Land Of The Lost

Introduction / Sypnosis:

On his latest expedition, Dr. Rick Marshall (Ferrell) is sucked into a space-time vortex alongside his research assistant (Friel) and a redneck survivalist (McBride). In this alternate universe, the trio make friends with a primate named Chaka (Taccone), their only ally in a world full of dinosaurs and other fantastic creatures. Can they all make it back to our world alive, and if so: Will Dr. Marshall can go from zero to hero with his discoveries?

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Ron White Behavioral Problems

Introduction / Sypnosis:

Ron White’s latest comedy show Behavioral Problems gets off to a shaky start when he immediately assumes the stage and announces that he has just sealed a development deal to create a reality makeover show called This Old Bull-dyke. Apparently, according to White, the original title was Pimp My Muff. You can understand my reticence.

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Impact

Introduction / Sypnosis:

While the entire world watches the largest meteor shower in 10,000 years, a rogue asteroid, hidden by the meteor field, smashes into the moon in a tremendous explosion of rock and debris. Fragments from the asteroid, and even from the moon itself, penetrate Earth’s atmosphere and make impact. Even though the initial damage is minimal, nerves are frayed throughout the planet. There is significant physical damage to the lunar surface, but experts quickly conclude there will be no lasting ramifications. Then strange anomalies begin to manifest themselves on Earth. It starts small – cell phone disruptions, unusual static charges and odd tidal behavior. The world’s leading scientists, including Alex Kittner, Maddie Rhodes and Roland Emerson, begin piecing together evidence that suggests the moon’s properties, and its orbit, may have been permanently altered. Their fears are realized when the anomalies increase to the point where the effect of “simulated” gravity is being manipulated by increased electromagnetic surges coming from the moon. People, cars and other objects are rendered momentarily weightless in random, isolated areas around the globe. Alex, Maddie, Roland and the rest of their team soon discover something far worse – the moon’s new orbit has put it on a collision course with Earth! The world now has 39 days to stop it or Earth, and all of mankind, will perish. After a failed attempt by the United States to destroy the moon, our heroes bring all the countries of the world together in one last hope for humanity – an international mission to the moon itself where astronauts will attempt to reverse the magnetic effects and restore the moon to its original orbit. Alex, whose children are now missing after the latest rampage of anti-gravity, is emotionally torn as he must now join Roland and two other astronauts on the Earth saving mission into space. It is a race against time as the two celestial bodies are drawn closer and closer to impact, the world united, watching and praying, the survival of mankind in the balance.

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Austin Powers 2 The Spy Who Shagged Me

Introduction:

NATO’s monitoring facility observes the return of Dr. Evil (Mike Myers) and informs British intelligence. At Dr. Evil’s Seattle headquarters, Dr. Evil is presented with a one-eighth-size clone of himself (Verne Troyer) whom he calls Mini-Me. Number Two (Robert Wagner), who survived his incineration towards the end of the previous film, also reveals the enormous profits they have made by legitimately investing in a previously unknown startup company called “Starbucks”. However, Dr. Evil is unimpressed and unveils his latest evil plan—he has developed a time machine to go back to the sixties and steal Austin Powers’ (also Mike Myers) mojo, a fluid inside his “family jewels” which is the source of Austin’s incredibly sexual prowess and appeal.

Meanwhile, back in 1999, Austin is still enjoying his honeymoon with his wife—the former Vanessa Kensington (Elizabeth Hurley). Unfortunately, something goes amiss, and it turns out that she is actually one of Dr. Evil’s kamikaze fembots who attempts to kill Austin, but eventually self-destructs. He grieves briefly, but then proceeds to the lobby naked and celebrates being single again.

Dr. Evil and Mini-Me go back to 1969 and meet up with a younger Number Two (Rob Lowe) and (a not-so-young) Frau Farbissina (Mindy Sterling). A disgruntled “Scottish Guard” with unusual eating habits called Fat Bastard (again, Mike Myers) has been hired to extract Austin’s mojo from his frozen body at the Ministry of Defence Cryo Chamber.

British intelligence warns Austin that one of Dr Evil’s agents is after him, and during a photo shoot the wanton Ivana Humpalot (Kristen Johnston) seduces him, but at the last moment she admits to her orders and claims he is too sexy. They then proceed to have sex in her bed. Unfortunately they do not get far before he discovers that he has lost his mojo.

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Austin Powers 3 Gold Member

Introduction:

The year is 2002. In his new underground lair behind the famous Hollywood sign, Dr. Evil outlines his latest evil plan. Using a time machine he will go back to 1975 and bring back a Dutchman, Johan van der Smut (alias Goldmember), who had developed a cold fusion unit for a tractor beam. He intends to use the tractor beam to pull a golden meteor into the Earth to strike and melt the polar ice caps and cause global flooding. However, the plot is discovered by the British Secret Service, and Austin leads a group of commandos to arrest Dr. Evil and place him in a maximum security prison.

Austin is knighted for his services but is disappointed when his father (the famous super-spy Nigel Powers) fails to attend the investiture. However, he later learns that his father was kidnapped from his yacht and that some of the crew have had their genitals painted with gold. It was immediately revealed to Austin that Nigel was kidnapped after he skipped out on the knighting ceremony. In search of answers, Austin visits the imprisoned Dr. Evil in Geneva, who tells him that the insane Goldmember is behind the abduction and, on the condition that he be transferred to a normal prison to be with his beloved Mini-Me, reveals that he is in 1975.

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Georgia Rule

Introduction:

Rebellious teenager Rachel Wilcox (Lindsay Lohan) screams, swears, and drinks; she is, in a word, uncontrollable. With her latest car crash, Rachel has broken the final rule in her mother Lilly’s (Felicity Huffman) San Francisco home. With nowhere else to take the impulsive and rambunctious girl, Lilly hauls her daughter to the one place to which she had sworn she would never return: her own mother’s house in Idaho. Matriarch Georgia Randall (Jane Fonda) lives her life by a number of unbreakable rules — God comes first and hard work comes a very close second — and wants anyone who shares her home do the same. She will make anyone who swears or takes the Lord’s name in vain hold soap in their mouth for an hour. Now saddled with raising the young woman, it will require each patient breath she takes to understand Rachel’s fury.

Georgia arranges a job for Rachel as the office girl of Dr. Simon Ward (Dermot Mulroney), the local veterinarian, who also unofficially treats people. His two nephews Sam and Ethan are often at Georgia’s house. Simon does not show interest in Rachel or other women, so she thinks he is gay. However, Simon’s sister Paula (Laurie Metcalf) reveals that he is still mourning the death of his wife and son who were killed in a car collision three years earlier. He refuses to have sex with Rachel even when she tries to seduce him, but feels some passion for her mother Lilly, whom he has dated in the past.

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I Know Who Killed Me

Introduction:

The quiet suburb of New Salem is being terrorized by a brutal serial killer who abducts and tortures young women, holding them captive for weeks before murdering them. Aubrey Fleming (Lindsay Lohan) (whose clothes, possessions, and room, as well as the killer’s gloves and weapons, are all signified in shades of blue), a talented pianist and aspiring writer, appears to be his latest victim when she disappears without a trace during a night out with her friends. As the days tick by, the special FBI Task Force convened to track the killer begins to lose hope of finding her before it’s too late.

Then, late one night, a driver discovers a young woman by the side of a deserted road, disheveled and critically injured. The girl is rushed to the hospital, where Aubrey’s distraught parents, Susan (Julia Ormond) and Daniel (Neal McDonough), wait by her side as she slips in and out of consciousness. When she is finally able to speak, she shocks everyone by claiming to be a down-on-her luck stripper named Dakota Moss (whose clothes and possessions are all signified in shades of red to keep confusion from Aubrey at bay) who has never heard of Aubrey Fleming. Convinced Aubrey is suffering from post traumatic stress disorder, her doctors, parents and law enforcement officials can only wait for rest and therapy to restore her memory. But after returning to her parents’ suburban home, she continues to insist she is not who they think she is, despite bearing bizarre wounds identical to those of the serial killer’s previous victims.

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Condemned, The

Introduction:

Jack Conrad (Austin) is a dangerous convict awaiting execution in a Salvadoran prison. “Purchased” by a wealthy television producer and transported to a deserted island in the South Pacific along with nine other condemned criminals (similarly purchased from prisons around the world), they are “offered” the opportunity to avoid capital punishment and win back their freedom by fighting to the death in an illegal game to be filmed and broadcast live over the Internet.

A bomb is placed on the ankle of every contestant, each featuring a 30-hour countdown timer, and a ripcord that will detonate the bomb after a 10 second delay. The winner will have his/her bomb removed and be given their freedom as the prize. Breckel (Robert Mammone), the producer, has recognized the power of the Internet, blogs and social networks as an advertising tool for his show and is aiming for online ratings that equal or beat the latest Super Bowl reception of 40 million TV viewers.

As the broadcast progresses, FBI agents discover Conrad’s real identity as Jack Riley after a tip from one of Conrad’s former classmates. Conrad is discovered to be a former Delta force operative who was captured on a Black ops mission to El Salvador after bombing a building controlled by drug dealers. Conrad’s girlfriend becomes aware of the situation and is shown viewing the show at a local bar through the majority of the movie.

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Saw II

Introduction:

Police informant Michael (Noam Jenkins) is found dead, the latest victim of the Jigsaw Killer. Following an argument with his son Daniel (Erik Knudsen), Detective Eric Matthews (Donnie Wahlberg) is called to the scene of Michael’s death.

Following clues that have been specifically left for him, he is able to pinpoint Jigsaw’s lair in an abandoned steel factory. The police raid the building and find John Kramer (Tobin Bell), weakened by cancer. Nearby is a set of computer monitors that show eight people trapped in an abandoned house being filled with deadly sarin gas; among them are Amanda Young (Shawnee Smith), Jigsaw’s only known survivor, and Daniel. He reveals that the victims have two hours before dying from the nerve agent, but promises that Matthews will see his son in a “safe, secure state” if he can simply talk with the dying man for a while.

In Jigsaw’s lair Matthews talks with Kramer in an attempt to buy time while the video signal is traced. In the house, the captives are trying to secure antidotes to the nerve gas they are breathing. One of them, Gus (Tony Nappo), is killed by a booby-trapped door shortly after they begin their search. Obi (Tim Burd), an accessory to the other victims’ kidnappings, is burned alive while attempting to retrieve two antidotes in a furnace. The group finds a pit filled with thousands of hypodermic syringes, with a key to an antidote hidden within. Xavier, the intended victim, throws Amanda into the pit rather than search for the key himself. Amanda retrieves the key, but Xavier fumbles with it and fails to unlock the door to the antidote before its timer runs out.

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Saw III

Introduction:

Detective Eric Matthews (Donnie Wahlberg) escapes the bathroom he was left in by breaking his foot with a toilet lid and slipping it out of his ankle chain. He fights with Amanda Young (Shawnee Smith), who eventually overcomes him and leaves him for dead. It is also revealed that she carried out the abduction of Adam under Jigsaw’s orders, and that she suffocated Adam in a mercy killing.

Six months after Matthews’ capture Detective Allison Kerry (Dina Meyer), Lieutenant Rigg (Lyriq Bent) and Detective Mark Hoffman (Costas Mandylor) are investigating Jigsaw’s latest victim Troy (J. Larose), who had to flee from a bomb by ripping out chains attached to his body. They are intrigued by the fact that his trap was inescapable, a break in Jigsaw’s modus operandi. When Kerry returns home, she is kidnapped and awakens in a Jigsaw trap. She is suspended in the air with her ribs pinned to a device that unlocks with a key dropped in a beaker of acid. When the escape method given fails and Amanda arrives, Kerry realizes this trap is also inescapable and her rib cage is fatally torn apart.

A dying Jigsaw (Tobin Bell) orders the abduction of two more victims: a skilled but depressed doctor named Lynn Denlon (Bahar Soomekh) and Jeff Reinhart (Angus Macfadyen), a father obsessed with revenge against the driver who killed his son. A collar holding five loaded shotgun shells, wirelessly connected to Jigsaw’s heart monitor, is placed around Lynn’s neck by Amanda. The game is simple: keep John alive until Jeff completes his tests. If Jigsaw dies or if she tries to leave the area, a flatline indicator on the monitor will cause the collar device to fire.

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Rocky Balboa

Introduction:

In present-day Philadelphia, Rocky, now retired from boxing for roughly 20 years, is living in a row house in Kensington (a deleted scene reveals that his brother-in-law has been living with him). His wife Adrian has died (due to what Rocky ambiguously describes as “woman cancer”) in 2002, his son Robert has moved out on his own, and Rocky has retired to become owner of a small but successful Italian restaurant named Adrian’s. He charms his patrons with stories of his past.

Rocky visits his late wife’s grave site regularly, and embarks on an annual tour of Philadelphia landmarks that held importance to him and Adrian, including his old apartment on 1818 East Tusculum Street, the pet shop where Adrian worked, and the remains of the torn-down ice skating rink where Rocky took Adrian on their first date. Paulie (Burt Young) joins him on this tour, but does so at great personal pain because, in his opinion, he did not treat Adrian well during her life. Rocky counters this claim by reminding Paulie that Adrian loved him as well.

Rocky’s son, Robert (Milo Ventimiglia), is the total opposite of his fighter father and that of himself as a fighter kid– a buttoned-down, corporate-minded businessman who is trying to carve out his own place in a very different world. Rocky’s relationship with Robert is strained because Robert has always had to live under the champ’s shadow; he even believes that the only reason he was hired for his latest job was because of his last name. But through the course of the movie we see the relationship mend itself through Rocky’s admonishment to his son that his life is his own and he must be willing to take chances to succeed.

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Leatherheads

Introduction:

A romantic comedy set against the backdrop of America’s nascent pro-football league in 1925. Dodge Connolly, a charming, brash football hero, is determined to guide his team from bar brawls to packed stadiums. But after the players lose their sponsor and the entire league faces certain collapse, Dodge convinces a college football star to join his ragtag ranks. The captain hopes his latest move will help the struggling sport finally capture the country’s attention. Welcome to the team Carter Rutherford, America’s favorite son. A golden-boy war hero who single-handedly forced multiple German soldiers to surrender in WWI, Carter has dashing good looks and unparalleled speed on the field. This new champ is almost too good to be true, and Lexie Littleton aims to prove that’s the case. A cub journalist playing in the big leagues, Lexie is a spitfire newswoman who suspects there are holes in Carter’s war story. But while she digs, the two teammates start to become serious off-field rivals for her fickle affections. As the new game of pro-football becomes less like the freewheeling sport he knew and loved, Dodge must both fight to keep his guys together and to get the girl of his dreams. Finding that love and football have a surprisingly similar playbook, however, he has one maneuver he will save just for the fourth quarter…

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Drag Me to Hell

Introduction / Sypnosis:

In Pasadena, California in 1969, a Mexican young couple rushes to the home of medium Shaun San Dena (Flor de Maria Chahua). Their son had stolen jewelry from a group of gypsies three days prior, and since then, has been complaining of seeing and hearing things not of this earth. San Dena tries to help the boy in a seance, but she and the boy’s parents can only watch in horror as the boy is thrown from the balcony by an unseen force before being pulled into Hell by demonic hands.

Forty years later, Christine Brown (Alison Lohman), a loan officer at a local bank, hopes to be promoted to assistant manager over her conniving co-worker, Stu Rubin (Reggie Lee). Christine’s boss, Mr. Jacks (David Paymer), advises her that she needs to demonstrate that she can make tough decisions when she needs to. That day, Mrs. Ganush (Lorna Raver), an elderly gypsy woman, asks for a third extension on her mortgage because she is struggling with economic problems due to an illness. To prove herself to Mr. Jacks, Christine, against her better judgment, denies Mrs. Ganush the extension. In desperation, Mrs. Ganush prostrates herself before Christine, begging and kissing the hem of her skirt. Christine panics and shoves the woman away, shaming her in public. As security guards escort Mrs. Ganush out, Mr. Jacks compliments Christine on how she handled the situation and implies that if she can close another big loan, the assistant manager position will be hers.

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Brothers War

Introduction / Sypnosis:

The story is set in the latter days of World War 2, against the backdrop of fierce combat on the eastern front. Brother’s War is based on real events. The western Allies push into Germany and the Red Army is fights its way towards Berlin. Churchill is worried about Russia’s post-war plans for Europe but most not endanger the increasingly threatened alliance between the west and Russian A British military attached to the Red Army discovers a Russian war crime against the Polish government in exile and is seized by Stalin’s feared intelligence service. He finds unexpected help from an enemy and fellow prisoner a German Captain. They discover a common bond in freemasonry and are bound by honor, oath and secrets. They are joined by Anna, a beautiful Polish nurse cast adrift on the tides of war. The three are pursued by A Ruthless Russian commander through Germany caring a secret that can change the outcome of the world and the fate of millions. Brother’s War was produced with strict attention to historic accuracy and military detail and portrays the horrors and heroism of desperate battles. The film also opens the door into the ancient order of the freemasons and presents unmatched insight on the real histories of these men, brothers all, who have fought in every war for hundreds of years.

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One-Eyed Monster

Introduction / Sypnosis:

ONE-EYED MONSTER, just out on DVD from Liberation Entertainment, is a horror/comedy (with an emphasis on the comedy) set in the mountain wilderness of Mammoth Lakes, CA, where a porn shoot is taking place with adult-film legends Ron (“The Hedgehog”) Jeremy and Veronica Hart (playing themselves) plus a group of younger cast and crew. During the filming of one sequence, Jeremy can’t get his johnson to respond, and so he steps outside for some fresh air—where he’s possessed by an alien that appears as a flash of light in the sky.

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Dunwich Horror, The

Introduction / Sypnosis:

In H.P. Lovecraft’s, “The Dunwich Horror”, we are told the story of Wilbur Whateley, the son of a deformed albino mother and an unknown father (alluded to in passing by the mad Old Whateley as “Yog-Sothoth”), and the strange events surrounding his birth and precocious development. Wilbur matures at an abnormal rate, reaching manhood within a decade. All the while, his sorcerer grandfather indoctrinates him into certain dark rituals and the study of witchcraft.

The plot revolves around the desire of Wilbur to acquire an unabridged Latin version of the Necronomicon — his imperfect English copy ill-suited for his dark purpose — so that he may open the way for the return of the mysterious (eldritch) “Old Ones”, whose forerunner is the Outer God Yog-Sothoth. Thus, Wilbur and his grandfather have sequestered an unseen presence at their farmhouse; this being is connected somehow to Yog-Sothoth. Year by year, this unseen entity grows to monstrous proportions, requiring Wilbur and his patriarch to make frequent modifications to their residence. People begin to notice a trend of cattle mysteriously disappearing. Eventually, Wilbur’s mother also disappears. By the time Wilbur’s grandfather passes away, the colossal entity occupies the whole interior of the farmhouse.

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Telling, The

Introduction / Sypnosis:

In this horror anthology film, three girls pledge the most popular – and cruelest – sorority on campus. For their final task, they must tell the scariest story they know. Containing three distinct stories – one featuring a murderous doll, one a has-been actress and her run in with a film crew of the undead and, finally, a hunt-and-kill fright-fest. The tales inspire someone at the sorority to commit their own murders.

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